THE MAN RULES

We always hear "The Rules" from the female side.

Now, here are the rules from the male side.

Note, all are numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are not mind readers

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. It it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or changing tides.....Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. No, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work.
Strong hints do not work.
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problemonly if you want help soving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.....Don't ask us.

1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. NOT BOTH!
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like WINDOWS default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what "MAUVE" is.

1. IF IT ITCHES, it will be scratched.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear!

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine....REALLY.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. ROUND IS a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight:
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.